Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
