I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
