I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
