I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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