Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
