I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sorry about my life...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
