if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
sex in a hospital.. check
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
