It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I am midnight drunk by noon
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
