i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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