Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
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