put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
