If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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