I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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