He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So. Much. Porn.
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