Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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