You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
