a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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