your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
