Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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