Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
