I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
where does the pee come out of this thing
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
