We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
