So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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