i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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