I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
