Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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