we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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