i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
