Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
