If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
