shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
