I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
