VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
