Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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