why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize