just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
