There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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