Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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