Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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