so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
