I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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