He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
