I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
