Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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