Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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