So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
