I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
