she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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