So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
