oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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