It's a beautiful day for a hangover
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I would fuck him just for his dog
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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