Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
