look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
