Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize