I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
