Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
