Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize