Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
