I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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