this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
