This girl is more easily done than said...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
