Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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