I met the friendliest cop last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
