yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
