I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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