There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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