Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
