Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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