Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
