I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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