I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
