I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
