Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize