I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
