so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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