woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
