its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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