Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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