Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am naked and annoyed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
