i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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