community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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