Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
