This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize