I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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