I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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