I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
