Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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