god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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