yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
