my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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