She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
