So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
