So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
