Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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