i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
