Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
