she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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