shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize