So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
