so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
