I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
