Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
