Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
