I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
