Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
