I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
