the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
