After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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