My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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