Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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