you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
