this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
