Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
